What’s the deal with marriage today?
People treat marriage like a credit card relationship. They use it until it is maxed out then throw it away and avoid the creditors. People (men and women alike) don’t like commitment. It is easier to avoid a problem than to deal with it. It’s like vows are merely a part of the ceremony but not lived out on a daily basis. Me, I take my vows seriously. My kids will never know the pains of divorce- because I am committed.
Deborah makes it easy. She loves God-then me. That is how it works in our house. Recently there was a thread going around youtube and facebook that said I’d rather have a Proverbs 31 woman than a Victoria Secret Model. Well, God blessed me because Deborah is both. Not only is she Godly, but she is smoking hot. And marriage…it is important…to BOTH of us.
A couple of nights ago we had the honor of sitting at dinner with a couple in our church that has been married 47 years. They are madly in love. We asked them what are the keys to their happiness in marriage. After an hour of them talking and bantering back in forth a list could be compiled hundreds of points deep. I have consolidated it down to 6.
Go the distance
Don’t just commit until it’s convenient. Be in your marriage for the long haul. Till death do us part literally means that. No exceptions. Commit in your conversation. Commit in your actions. Commit in your thought life. Commit in your affection. Marriage shouldn’t be about convenience. If it is then you will only go until you talk yourself out of it. GO THE DISTANCE and have a great time while you’re at it.
Enjoy life together not ENDURE it.
Tons of people in their marriage have decided that it is something they are going to endure…for the kids. The husband said that he would not be satisfied experiencing life or its pleasures with anyone else other than his wife. That is after 3 kids, careers and anything else life could throw at them. He wasn’t just enduring life with her- he was enjoying life with her. That challenged me. Deborah is my best friend…I need to let her know I enjoy her company.
Laugh. Laugh. Laugh
This couple had us laughing the entire night. She has had two cancer diagnoses and has been healed twice. He adores her. They never interrupt each other and when the other is talking all the focus and attention is hanging on every word. There will be arguments but your ability to laugh together will be a closeness and intimacy that can carry you the distance.
Don’t Sweat the small stuff
One of the laughable discussion points in our house happens around the toothpaste. I feel that it should be squeezed systematically from the bottom. Deborah does not share this same conviction. Some people let this type of stuff build up. WHY? Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know that is one example and as you read this you thought of your own. Let it go!
Speak life into your spouse
This one hit home. They never speak negative words into each other’s life. Respect, honor, intimacy and everything else you want will happen when you chose to speak life into your spouse. It is not always easy. Deborah knows which buttons to push to get exactly what reaction she wants at any time she wants to. But my heart is for her. The Bible tells us that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Nothing but life should come out. If that’s not the case it might just be a you problem.
Cliché Alert: Couples that pray together; stay together. This couple we ate with prays for each other, prayed for our meal, pray a blessing over our life. The power of prayer should not be ignored or overlooked. Prayer is one of the most intimate things you can do with your spouse.
Remember love is not a fight, but it’s something worth fighting for.
What would you add to this list?